


Deus ex Machina

by starsgoblue



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Humor, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-05
Updated: 2013-07-05
Packaged: 2017-12-17 17:40:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 865
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/870196
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starsgoblue/pseuds/starsgoblue
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Set an unspecified time after Season 8.  Gabriel shows up without much explanation and the result leaves far less angst than could be canonical.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Deus ex Machina

Sam’s having an early lunch at the bunker while he pores over angel mythologies. The wingbeats he hears behind him aren’t particularly jarring because Cas tends to pop in without – oh, right…graceless. And besides, he and Dean are at the Laundromat. With no weapons in sight, this situation is decidedly not ideal. He slowly turns around in his chair to face the intruder, hoping maybe this is one of Cas’ nicer siblings. He gets one of the bigger shocks of his life. 

“Gabriel?!” Sam coughs, spitting out a large bite of hamburger. Gabriel smirks and conjures up a piece of chocolate cake before sitting across from Sam at the table. 

“In the flesh,” says Gabriel, stabbing a healthy portion of cake with his fork. “I guess Dad thought it was time for me to reanimate. He probably figured I could help with the fallen angel situation. Oh, don’t look so shocked; I’ve still been getting the news.” 

“And where were you, exactly?” 

Gabriel waves his hand in dismissal. “Not important. Now where’s Castiel? I need to talk with him about not trusting people who call themselves Marv.” 

“He’s with Dean, doing laundry. I wouldn’t get close to him, if I were you – Dean’s drawn warding sigils all over him.” 

“Kinky. Well, I’ve got some things to do, anyway. Back in twenty.” And with a flutter of wings, Gabriel is gone. 

It doesn’t occur to Sam until after Gabriel vanishes to ask how he managed to find the bunker in the first place. Dean and Castiel return shortly thereafter, and Sam fills them in. Cas is sulky, which Sam attributes to Gabriel’s blasé display of his powers coupled with the indignity of having to wait over two hours for his clothing to be cleaned. Dean is suspicious, but Sam can tell he’s actually kind of glad that Gabriel showed up; the dude does have style, after all. 

Gabriel is indeed back within twenty minutes, and immediately transforms the dining room into a banquet hall filled with desserts and three gorgeous women. He hands one woman off to Sam, who can immediately tell that they are soulmates, while the other two snuggle up on either side of Gabriel. He makes one final gesture and everyone is wearing day-glo orange party hats. 

Gabriel explains in vivid detail how he managed to capture Metatron, escaping detection because he was not one of the original angels banished from Heaven. It is a story that Sam will never repeat to anyone because it is just so much gorier and obscenely hilarious than slow dancing aliens with probes or anything else he might have expected. Suffice it to say, Metatron agreed to reverse his spell and return Castiel’s bottled-up grace. 

Castiel holds the tiny bottle reverently, tears in his eyes. “Thank you, brother. But I can’t accept this. I find that being a human is very difficult, but Heaven is no longer my home.” With this, he and Dean stare at one another intently, and Sam and Gabriel share an eyeroll. 

“Yeah, I figured that,” Gabriel says, and pushes Dean and Castiel’s faces together so they can make out. 

“Oh, and by the way, I closed the Gates of Hell. Metatron gave me a shortcut. Want me to close the Gates of Heaven, too? I resurrected Samandriel; he’ll be able to fix things up there. Everybody who died for the cause can be truly happy now.” Everyone nods enthusiastically, and with a snap of Gabriel’s fingers, it is done. They all begin the process of getting drunk. 

Suddenly Gabriel slaps his forehead. “I’ll be right back!” he calls, just before he vanishes. When he returns a minute later, he’s dragging bedraggled looking Adam and Benny with him. Benny has been devampirized, and both newcomers are presented with brainy and beautiful women who are their soulmates. Dean and Benny hug bromantically. Adam is mad at first but comes around after he has a few shots and begins hugging everyone. 

Charlie walks in, to everyone’s delight, and Gabriel finds Gilda for her. Kevin is blinked off to Yale with his resurrected girlfriend. Team Free Will and its extended family spends the rest of the day LARPing, which is not always G-rated. Dean and Castiel propose to each other at the same time, and since the whole family’s already there Gabriel marries them and presents them with a tiny baby boy. 

At the end of the day’s festivities Gabriel cleans up and announces that he has to go. 

“Wait a minute!” Sam yells, and Gabriel turns around, startled. 

“There’s no way you’re powerful enough to have done all this stuff without help. What’s going on?” 

Gabriel snorts. “That’s easy, Sam,” he says, “I’m a deus ex machina, here to provide all of you with happy endings. The ‘other’ writers of your story realized this and killed me off, but there’s only so much angst I’m willing to stand. If you don’t believe me, check out my fan fiction stats. I am just that awesome.” With that, he’s off, with only a cry of “Long live tumblr!” and a room of lovely couples to attest to the fact that he was ever there. 

The end.


End file.
